Tara Liverios, Columnist
What happens when you get to a point in your life where you think you should be “settled” and ready for the rest of your life and life throws you a curve ball?
Maybe you lose your job or maybe you’re married with kids, and have everything society says you should have that should make you happy. But what if you’re still not happy, even worse what if you’re miserable and it’s affecting your emotional and physical health. Or even affecting your children.
What do you do, where do you turn? How many women around the world find them in this situation every day? More than we would like to acknowledge.
You see, when a man isn’t happy in a marriage, he gets divorced. A man could have 4 divorces under his belt and society may raise an eyebrow a little, but that’s about it, somehow the woman would even get blamed for that I’m sure. But when a woman wants to leave her husband, the first question that’s always asked is if there’s someone else or does he hit you? If you answer no to both of those questions then the next one is usually if he’s cheating on you. If you answer no to that, most want to know why you would leave financial security, nothing else could possibly be that bad in their eyes. That’s because maybe they have never been in your shoes, so they really have no place to judge, but most will. Sometimes it’s just arguing or lack of communication. Sometimes you just grow apart. It can start out as a lack of affection and attention, but if it’s not taken care of, like anything else can spiral into an out of control situation where arguing becomes an everyday way of communicating.
How do we as women deal with this? Society tells us to seek therapy, medicine, couples counseling, etc. But not all women have access to that. Not all women want that either, some women have had hard pasts, and when the present becomes difficult to deal with, the only thing they know is to revert back to what helped them cope with their past problems. And before they know it, they are back in the cycle of putting themselves in bad situations and making bad decisions. Some women curl up and go into a deep depression.
The point is, we all as women react, and we just react differently. The important thing that we need to remember is our self worth. We must never let anyone get us to a point where we are going to give that up. It’s like gold, we must cherish it.
When a woman loses self worth that is a very dangerous place for her to be. It makes her very vulnerable and capable of things she may not normally do. If you’re feeling lonely and rejected, or maybe you’re just not getting the attention you need, you feel this need to cling to the first person that shows it to you. Now your head is telling you that you just want to feel needed and wanted. Maybe you just want someone to look at you the way our husband did when you first met or maybe you just want to know that someone wants you. It’s really more about ego and self confidence than anything else. As women, when we’re going through a hard time, most of us want to be comforted. So we seek out those who we think will give us that. The problem is that we usually end up finding it in men, it’s usually the not the kind of comforting that we may really need at that time, and it usually ends up making things much more complicated for us in the end. But being the affectionate seeking creatures that most of are, we usually don’t realize any of this until much later. Usually when we’re sitting with our head in our hands in the midst of the aftermath.
We can change this though. Running into the arms of someone else isn’t a new-found trend. Women as well as men have been doing this well before Abraham. Women need to be more open with each other about their feelings. When it comes to other women we have this wall up that we only allow certain things in. We need to start breaking it down and allowing women in as easy as we would as if they were men.
It’s time to stand together and take a chance; they’re not all going to stab us in the back. So don’t judge a friend or acquaintance doing something you may not agree with because they’re going through something. Instead, pull her aside and see if she wants to go and grab a coffee or a movie. Let her know she can call you if she just needs to talk.
You never know when you’re helping someone end that cycle of self destruction.