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Dating an idea rather than a reality

Christina Pomoni,


O
bsession could be mistaken for passion, but it is far more delusive and destructive. Passion wears out; fixation does not.

People have fixations they rarely admit. Particularly, in love issues they often mistake their obsession for love believing that having someone on their mind 24/7 means they are in love. Obsession could be mistaken for passion, but it is far more delusive and destructive. Passion wears out; fixation does not.

Normally, the more we get to know someone, the less passion we feel as we realize the differences of character and behaviour. Over time, our passion transforms into love, respect, dignity and companionship. With obsession, however, things are more complicated. When we think that someone cares because we care to an extent that we become blind and we cannot distinguish between passion and obsession, then, in most of the cases, there is no relationship. People who develop obsessive personalities are less likely to exist in a relationship.

The weird thing is that obsessive people never actually get involved with their object of lust. They make up stories and fantasize how wonderful their relationship would be, but in reality they have hardly spoken to that person and they hardly know any details of character and life. As the obsession keeps growing, they practically lose themselves. Being constantly focused on the idea of being involved with that person and creating scenarios of love and affection leads them to a state of personality crisis, which over time may evolve to a personality disorder. They lose their dignity and they create a vicious cycle of a weird behaviour expressed in the form of dependence and inability to function on their own. So, basically, their fixation makes them sick eliminating the chances of getting involved with anyone.


I met an obsessive person once. She was so much into a guy, who actually never responded to her love signals. He never expressed anything more than friendship, but not even a close one; nothing that could be interpreted as infatuation, affection, or passion. Still, she was non-stop chasing him, talking to him, attaching meanings to his words and poor guy had no clue of what was going on. This kept going on, until she finally opened up and told him she cannot sleep, eat or breathe without him. He politely explained to her that he was involved with somebody else. She freaked out and attacked him. She told him stories that she thought had occurred between them. He was shocked. He had no clue because he had never behaved erotically. She accused him of all the nights she had lost her sleep, of all the hours she had spent making plans for them and thinking about their relationship. He tried to defend himself, but it was worthless. Finally, she collapsed. She said she had done everything in her power to express her feelings and full devotion and he betrayed her. She had really believed that she had a relationship with that guy because he was polite to her and nice enough to spend sometime with her during class breaks.

That guy passed away two months ago. That girl's obsession is still on.

As I said, passion wears out; fixation does not.



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