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Marriage 101: Positive People

Jennifer Hallmark,

Whether you edify or damage your marriage can be a direct result of the people you hang out with. Wow! Is that really true? Yes, it is true that bad company corrupts good character…and good marriages...

It is of the utmost importance that you take stock of the people you have in your “group.”

This is where positive people come in. It is good for a married couple to look for other married couples to enjoy life with. We have friends and family members that have been married longer than us. These friends are easy to talk to when marriage issues arise and we can watch first hand how they handle disagreement or conflict. We actually “sharpen” each others skills in handling situations by being there to discuss and listen to problems or conflicts.

We also have some friends and family that have not been married as long, like my daughter and her husband. They have been married two years and they remind us that it is okay to be romantic and plan romantic evenings. I am also reminded of some of the early issues in our marriage. At the time they were such a struggle but are now solved. It goes both ways as we learn from them while giving that helpful advice of “don’t make the mistakes we made.”

Whether you edify or damage your marriage can be a direct result of the people you hang out with...
Okay, so you are not sure what you should do with the friends you have or people that will come along in the future. Let’s remember a few things. People have a tendency to add to your life or subtract from it. Make a list of all the couples and single people you spend time with on a consistent basis, like once a month or more. Take time and think about the last time you were around each person or couple. Were they positive and uplifting? Did they share the load of friendship or is it all one way with you always paying and hosting parties or events? Are they constantly complaining, arguing or debating over something? Are you glad to see them or glad when they leave?

By now you should be starting to get the picture. We met
People have a tendency to add to your life or subtract from it.
some people early in our marriage that wanted to be our friends. After a few times together, it was evident that we ended up paying for everything and they were constantly bickering. My husband and I were stressed by the end of each evening so we tactfully ended the relationship.

I believe people occasionally come into our lives so we can help and encourage them but you must set boundaries in the beginning. Your inner circle of friends should be filled with people who compliment and build you up, not tear down and discourage you.

“Eduardo” and “Frieda” are good friends of ours. (I have changed their names to protect the innocent) The four of us enjoy new restaurants, explore local events and grill out often. They are our “positive” people. Yes, they have problems and conflicts the same as anyone else. We all have our moods and our tough times. Consistent, however, is the way they encourage Danny and I in our marriage, child raising and work. We all have different areas we excel at and we share this information freely to the betterment of us all.

May I suggest that you find some “Eduardo” and “Frieda’s” to enjoy your journey of life with? Or if you already have someone like that, hang on for dear life! Move away from those who subtract from you and become a couple that adds to the lives of others. Become one of those positive people who add flavor and richness to everyone around them…simply Marriage 101…

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