Dare to be YOU!
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The Power of the Universe

Merle Brill,

f you always think what you always thought, you'll always get what you always got.

On April 10th of this year I awoke to find that my story entitled "The crossing" ran as the feature article on this site.

Why I have entitled my follow up "The power of the universe" Is because "The Crossing", written while still loaded, though my thoughts sober was what I wanted so badly to be the truth.

It now is. I went into detox on May 18th, and followed up with outpatient treatment for a month. Eight days ago I took a 30 day chip and now have what I wrote about on April 10th.

I did not know it at the time, but I had surrendered and given it to a higher power. I knew, and know I can not control the disease that lies within me, thinking I could control anything is one of the things that got me there to begin with.

The days between April 10th and May 18th were my bottom. I can only say once again that the universe works in a strange way.

I had recently left one relationship for someone else who would let me do what I wanted, drugs and alcohol. This person had been through rehab in 1990 to get off crystal meth. They do drink, but feel they are the rare case that can. Don't we all?

On May 17th they called me to ask about missing pills, which I had not taken this time, they took more than they recalled for back pain. I got angry and frustrated and came clean to them that I had still been using, but did not take the pills.

I was asked to leave.In between that and running an errand for my mother they found me a treatment program. I had .57 cents in my bank account until a woman backed into my car in a parking lot.

My thoughts not on the treatment program at all convinced her to just pay me and not go through the insurance co. With a check for 300.00 in hand, and my mother in the front seat I did not feel very good about anything.

I dropped my mother off and headed back to where I was staying for a very rough night. In the morning someone came to give me a ride to treatment. I stopped and deposited the check in to accounts to cover a few outstanding bills, which I had not paid in 5 months.

At the first treatment facility I was told my insurance would not cover the program. The man there went above and beyond to find an acute detox which was covered for me, and he did.

If any of you are struggling with addiction I would love to tell you go get help, but only you know when you are ready. If you are hurting the people you care about most in your life, but most of all yourself, you might want to sit down and really start to be honest with yourself.

My biggest fears came through and I am really, really ok. Every cliche does apply to a situation like this, but you really do find out who your friends are. Sometimes it's the least likely people. And sometimes love is right there in front of you.

I was forgiven by the person I hurt in the relationship and we are back together. The last three weeks have been better than the last year, and certainly better than the last few months.


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